“I feel like no one is REALLY paying attention to me” were the words that shook me.

As I was putting my little girl to sleep, she looked at me with her sad eyes and said exactly that. I felt my heart sink. I couldn’t do anything else than to pull her closer and hold her. “I’m so sorry you are feeling this way honey, I had no idea,” I told her.

I was so consumed by getting through the days, homeschooling, helping with school projects, cleaning, cooking, laundry, and trying to get my work done, that I forgot to check in with her. I thought that all the time we spent together doing school work and adventure walks counted as quality time.

As I was holding her and rocking her back and forth, I remembered the things I told her earlier that day that could have made her feel this way. I told her the fort she built weeks ago will have to come down the next day so I can vacuum her room. She was upset about it. What was I thinking? Who cares about vacuuming? The fort makes her happy!

I also told her to stop complaining about another school video conference she had to sit through that morning. I told her how lucky she is that she gets to stay home in her PJ’s to which she replied: “but I love school and I miss going to school mommy.”

I was so task-oriented, so focused on getting through the day and getting everything done that I forgot how hard this must be for my usually happy, social five-year-old.

As I held her, I told her to forget about taking her fort down. “Just keep it as long as you want honey,” I told her and her eyes lit up. We made a pact that she will tell me when she feels sad and lonely. We agreed to actually “play” every day, her choices, her rules. I’ll pretend to be her friend Lily (that’s what she names me during our pretend plays) and we’ll play picnics and puppy school over and over if that is what she wants. I don’t ever want my child to feel lonely in a house full of people.

Sometimes we wrongly assume our kids are OK. We forget to check in with them to see how are all these changes affecting them. We might think that the mere fact of being with them 24/7 is enough. We say “not now, maybe later, after I do this” when they ask us to play. But if we repeat that every day, the later never comes.

So today and every day after, I will carve out little time just to be present with her. I’ll put everything else aside and make her feel like the world stopped just for her. Because she matters and I don’t ever want her to feel invisible again…

Have you checked in with your kids lately?